Send Phuck-In-A-Box When You Have Nothing Good to Say

One of my readers contacted me the other day telling me about his latest humorous project. Jay is a writer and had this whole idea while working on a segment of dialog for one of his characters. In an obviously negative tone, one of his characters exclaimed, “If I were to give you a gift, it would probably be a fuck you in a box!”

Let me pause a moment to mention that there is no shortage of ways to tell someone to fuck off. You can do so as directly as shouting it with your middle finger in the air or as discretely as spitting on their lunch when they aren’t looking. I’ve seen a few different ideas over the years in terms of unknown-sender-type surprises, animal poop, glitter, a card, you name it. Of course everyone loved the idea of “craft herpes” being sent out aka glitter, but that’s been done and in internet years it’s just not funny anymore. (I’d also advise against sending poop because your mail carrier didn’t do anything to deserve that.)

So, the point of Phuck in a Box (originally fuck in a box, unfortunately it turns out you can’t register business names with explicit words in them in every state) is to tell someone they are a dick. What better way to do that with a literal bag of dicks? Gummy dicks of course, which is probably better since I don’t think it’s legal to mail male appendages. (Please correct me if I’m wrong, I’m not going to Google that one though.) I have a few people in mind that could use a harmless reminder that I hate them. If only I knew where my ex’s lived…oh well.







  1. LVL99

    Wow, I need to get this for my last job. I wonder if I can buy them in bulk for the whole damn office.

  2. LVL99

    Can you please get one of these so we can see it?

    1. Sarah

      Ask and you shall receive! As soon as I recover from this cold I’ll get on that.

  3. MairaRussel

    HAHA! This is a great prank gift. It might even be the BEST PRANK GIFT because it’s so cheap and can’t be tracked back to the sender 🙂

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